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finalz [December 7th, 2009; 11:37am] It's December? To You I love you as a sheriff searches for a walnut That will solve a murder case unsolved for years Because the murderer left it in the snow beside a window Through which he saw her head, connecting with Her shoulders by a neck, and laid a red Roof in her heart. For this we live a thousand years; For this we love, and we live because we love, we are not Inside a bottle, thank goodness. I love you as a Kid searches for a goat; I am crazier than shirttails In the wind, when you're near, a wind that blows from The big blue sea, so shiny so deep and so unlike us; I think I am bicycling across an Africa of green and white fields Always, to be near you, even in my heart When I'm awake, which swims, and also that I believe that you Are trustworthy as the sidewalk which leads me to The place where I think of you, a new Harmony of thoughts. I love you as the sunlight leads the prow Of a ship which sails from Hartford to Miami, and I love you Best at dawn, when even before I am awake the sun Receives me in the questions which you always pose. - Kenneth Koch The Boiling Water Moments might be serious. It is serious, in such windy weather, to be a sail Or an open window, or a feather flying in the street... Seriousness, how often I have thought of seriousness And how little I have understood it, except this: serious is urgent And it has to do with change. You say to the water, It's not necessary to boil now, and you turn it off. It stops Fidgeting. And starts to cool. You put your hand in it And say, The water isn't serious any more. It has the potential, However—that urgency to give off bubbles, to Change itself to steam. And the wind, When it becomes part of a hurricane, blowing up the beach And the sand dunes can't keep it away. Fainting is one sign of seriousness, crying is another. Shuddering all over is another one. A serious moment for the telephone is when it rings. And a person answers, it is Angelica, or is it you. A serious moment for the fly is when its wings Are moving, and a serious moment for the duck Is when it swims, when it first touches water, then spreads Its smile upon the water... A serious moment for the match is when it burst into flame... Serious for me that I met you, and serious for you That you met me, and that we do not know If we will ever be close to anyone again. Serious the recognition of the probability That we will, although time stretches terribly in between... - Kenneth Koch I need to go Christmas shopping. Steady listening to Nas and Ryan Adams. I need some new Air Maxs My "To Do" list is getting shorter Those two poems are it for me right now. birds

Window Bird [November 17th, 2009; 3:56pm] hello, Educational Heaven. that photo is from my bday at the museum of natural history. birds

I love you. [November 16th, 2009; 4:09pm] I curled around in your mind and slept for twelve thousand years, I watched you from the sleeve of my shirt. birds

[November 9th, 2009; 8:53am] I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root; It is what you fear. I do not fear it: I have been there birds

I used to love this song when I was about 16.... [November 2nd, 2009; 11:50am] conor oberst is in this band...he was just a baby then. so was I. it's amazinggggg to rediscover old music. I'm scheduling for my last semester of undergraduate college. THANKGODDDDD I'M ALMOST OUT OF HERRRREEEEE birds

whispy hair [October 26th, 2009; 1:05pm] Everything is easy because of you. birds

There is another way of being. [October 3rd, 2009; 1:20pm] Im home in wb. John took me camping, time moves so slow in the woods. It rained hard at night but the tent was amazing and we fell asleep all wrapped up only the sound of rain. I had tons of dreams and john carved this fork things from wood and we cooked hot dogs and we were on the edge of the lake. My rain boots came in handy and living in new york city has made me forget how incredibly breathtaking it is to look at tons of trees turn colors. In three days I take the most important test in my life. I'm not too optimistic. I don't know what the future looks like but for once in my life I really don't mind. birds

August. [September 1st, 2009; 5:18pm] I think we have potential. [2] birds

you won't know [August 20th, 2009; 7:48pm] i'm trying to find a dress to wear to john's art show in baltimore this weekend. I get so frustrated when i have to look nice. It's too much pressure. 3 men tried to break into my apartment two days ago, while I was home. It's too hot to think. time to wash dishes, pack, and decide on a dress. When I got back from Scotland John handed me a gorgeous framed painting he made of a lil cardinal baby in a tree. I love it. I feel so strange right now. I'm always my own worst enemy. birds

[August 13th, 2009; 11:27pm] you remind me of a firework, boy birds

lost yo mind [July 25th, 2009; 10:31am] going on a european vacation with the two girls i grew up with. I'm so happy..This has been the best month of the entire year, honestly. Can't think of a thing to be down about. peace out. I went to a show last night. besides about 3 kids, i hated the entire thing. I've grown out of it. officially. Time to work on my Honors thesis all day before I fly out. Have a good one. I've been waiting for this for so long. [3] birds

blah [June 8th, 2009; 7:56pm] bleh. birds

what's done in the dark will be brought to the light [May 23rd, 2009; 10:27pm] my sleeve is virtually half done. I have an extreme inner battle going on between my past and my future. so much has changed in the last three years. most of it makes me happy, some makes me feel saddest. I've felt a little restless this week, not like myself really. I'm going towards my senior year of college, this is my last year to fuck around. real world, i will be joining you soon. ive been sort of homesick lately. sean is wonderful and i have a few best friends and they mean the world to me but i've had this pit in my stomach. I always thought graduating highschool, going to collge, getting my first place...all those mile stones were me "growing up" but nope. nothing takes the cake like this, i'm going to graduate college and that means i need to get a real job, marry a dude, and pop out kids. it really does. that's insane to me. i'm in my twenties. i'm a grown woman. how the fuck did time fly by? tell me what ya think. [2] birds

live ya life [March 16th, 2009; 3:30pm] read my blog, it's better than this... www.saidinslugs.blogspot.com birds

[March 12th, 2009; 5:41pm] I have everything going for me, but sometimes I just want to hold hands in bed with someone. But it has to be the right person. Summer is close, and everyone knows it. birds

even though we're just friends now. [January 25th, 2009; 1:01pm] As my hair grows out and curls around my neck, I remember yours was long when I met you in the parking lot. I think it was snowing then. When I'm away I miss the smell of your car when we split a smoothie and buy gas in quarters, and I miss your voice, and I miss your songs. Stay sane; you ground me when I feel I have no place to land. birds

topfivefriends (11:24:15 PM): i would talk to you all day [January 13th, 2009; 6:32pm] "you were just a little girl in a flannel nightgown. and you were shoveling the walk in front of our house. and i was the snow. i was the snow, and everywhere it landed and everywhere it covered. you scoop me up with a big red shovel. you scoop me up." birds

suckers [December 17th, 2008; 12:05pm] Financial Aid Status for Award Year 2008-2009 U00301465 Nicole Ashton Dec 17, 2008 12:05 pm The following information is based on your status as a Commuter UG Full-time 2nd year student receiving financial aid for the UG or Grad Fall-Spring(F/S). Your estimated cost of attendance is $36,856.00. You have been awarded financial aid which totals $36,851.00. my bill for college is $5.00!!!!!!!!!!!! [1] birds

[December 15th, 2008; 7:04pm] he stands too close to me sometimes and I want to step back, but I just stand there birds

[November 28th, 2008; 11:57am] I've had ghosts following me all day. Many people believe that ghosts are limited to phantasmic figures, but they exist in songs too. And old photos, and calenders, and dreams, and names. They exist within his name, and how many times I used to write it and say it. Ghosts exist within the walls of the places we went, and within the plans that we made. They have chessboards in stock again, by the way. I only went in there looking for bracelets- I had no idea that memories would follow. They don't paralyze me like they used to though. These days, a deep breath will do the trick, but I'm not sure whether to feel relief because my insides no longer unravel at the thought of you like they once did or terrified because I'm beginning to forget what you were like when everything was still okay between us. fuck wb new york here i come, why do i think home will ever be relaxing again? it's so fucked up, i dont need this at all. birds

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