Say It In Slugs [entries|friends|calendar] Nikki information + friends [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

blah [June 8th, 2009; 7:56pm] bleh. birds

what's done in the dark will be brought to the light [May 23rd, 2009; 10:27pm] my sleeve is virtually half done. I have an extreme inner battle going on between my past and my future. so much has changed in the last three years. most of it makes me happy, some makes me feel saddest. I've felt a little restless this week, not like myself really. I'm going towards my senior year of college, this is my last year to fuck around. real world, i will be joining you soon. ive been sort of homesick lately. sean is wonderful and i have a few best friends and they mean the world to me but i've had this pit in my stomach. I always thought graduating highschool, going to collge, getting my first place...all those mile stones were me "growing up" but nope. nothing takes the cake like this, i'm going to graduate college and that means i need to get a real job, marry a dude, and pop out kids. it really does. that's insane to me. i'm in my twenties. i'm a grown woman. how the fuck did time fly by? tell me what ya think. [2] birds

touching you [April 27th, 2009; 3:20pm] start to bloom. birds

live ya life [March 16th, 2009; 3:30pm] read my blog, it's better than this... www.saidinslugs.blogspot.com birds

[March 12th, 2009; 5:41pm] I have everything going for me, but sometimes I just want to hold hands in bed with someone. But it has to be the right person. Summer is close, and everyone knows it. birds

mine. [February 10th, 2009; 10:14pm] This means I don’t want to talk some people grow up with tons of paths to take i had one choice and it was paved in glass Never had my hand held with daisies sometimes I get so cold that I think I’ll peel the skin off of your hands and put it Over my ears The only love I’ve ever felt can just be summed up with this In bed, he’d take my socks off with his toes. So now I’ll just sit here and look forward Have been bare foot since. You know I love it when you say infinity From your fucking cave of a face birds

even though we're just friends now. [January 25th, 2009; 1:01pm] As my hair grows out and curls around my neck, I remember yours was long when I met you in the parking lot. I think it was snowing then. When I'm away I miss the smell of your car when we split a smoothie and buy gas in quarters, and I miss your voice, and I miss your songs. Stay sane; you ground me when I feel I have no place to land. birds

topfivefriends (11:24:15 PM): i would talk to you all day [January 13th, 2009; 6:32pm] "you were just a little girl in a flannel nightgown. and you were shoveling the walk in front of our house. and i was the snow. i was the snow, and everywhere it landed and everywhere it covered. you scoop me up with a big red shovel. you scoop me up." birds

[January 7th, 2009; 12:04am] this sucks i'm gonna fall in love [1] birds

suckers [December 17th, 2008; 12:05pm] Financial Aid Status for Award Year 2008-2009 U00301465 Nicole Ashton Dec 17, 2008 12:05 pm The following information is based on your status as a Commuter UG Full-time 2nd year student receiving financial aid for the UG or Grad Fall-Spring(F/S). Your estimated cost of attendance is $36,856.00. You have been awarded financial aid which totals $36,851.00. my bill for college is $5.00!!!!!!!!!!!! [1] birds

[December 15th, 2008; 7:04pm] he stands too close to me sometimes and I want to step back, but I just stand there birds

[November 28th, 2008; 11:57am] I've had ghosts following me all day. Many people believe that ghosts are limited to phantasmic figures, but they exist in songs too. And old photos, and calenders, and dreams, and names. They exist within his name, and how many times I used to write it and say it. Ghosts exist within the walls of the places we went, and within the plans that we made. They have chessboards in stock again, by the way. I only went in there looking for bracelets- I had no idea that memories would follow. They don't paralyze me like they used to though. These days, a deep breath will do the trick, but I'm not sure whether to feel relief because my insides no longer unravel at the thought of you like they once did or terrified because I'm beginning to forget what you were like when everything was still okay between us. fuck wb new york here i come, why do i think home will ever be relaxing again? it's so fucked up, i dont need this at all. birds

[November 20th, 2008; 9:34pm] I just read my myspace messages from the last year. holy shit hahah that's all i have to say. birds

[November 4th, 2008; 9:54pm] olive and well (8:23:27 PM): tellme what reminds you of me isthismyworldd (8:29:16 PM): owen birds

[October 28th, 2008; 3:04pm] Right now I supposed, that I am ovulating and being hormonal hence I am totally emotional about everything. The fact that at times, you make me really happy and at times, you make me feel so sad. Right now I am feeling sad but it is not your fault really. It's me being me. It's the complicated and strange part about myself. I don't blame you if you think that I've gone weird Anyway, I thought that I should tell you that I will miss you while you're gone. Not so much as of missing you as in the naughty parts and bits. But I guess I'll miss the you I currently know, the you I chat with and the you who makes me laughs and smile face to face. You will come back somewhat as a different person in three months time and I will be a different me three months from now and I thought that before you go, I should tell you that you've been one of the funnest and best thing this year. Yes, I do feel horribly sad when a person leaves. As much as you promised me pictures and stories but it isn't the same, really. And you know it yourself. As much as I have asked you to say goodbye to me before you leave, I know you'll not do so because I am not that important. Plus you break all your promises to me all the time. So let me say goodbye now. I guess that I am not as brave as what you might think. I think the reality is that I am trying my utmost best to make sure that this will not be a false goodbye to you. There has been too many false goodbyes from me to you. I know I am about to lose the you I have become infatuated with. And the you I'll never ever be able to get back after the next three months. But I hope that you will always be happy and always be laughing. I only wished that I had a form of importance in your heart and in your life. I hope that three months down the road, I will forget you and let go the ghost of you. [1] birds

nothing feels good like you [October 27th, 2008; 11:53pm] eat my fuck. matt painted me that cardinal. all of my birthday gifts were perfect I hate every boy I will never be in a good relationship, i always fuck it up. [2] birds

[October 17th, 2008; 3:05pm] I'm a bird in your hand so take me as I am you know what you are to me don't make me say it over and over again my left hand, a part of me it stays late to clean up my mess when I'm sick of all my choices like the grown-ups I grew up with [1] birds

[October 15th, 2008; 12:20am] I don’t think of you often, but today you slipped into my mind. The thought of you was surprisingly tender, an ache that I’d thought long settled. It occurred to me that if you were in front of me, I would rest my head against your neck and forget for a moment everything that’s happened. I paused, contemplating if I should fall apart over missing you or just seal that hurt back up and keep walking. The thought passed, but not before I realized how surreal it was that I could do that, that I could make the decision not to succumb to something overwhelming. It seems unreal to be living without what once made me whole, but at least now I know I can live without you birds

[October 10th, 2008; 12:38am] Let's talk about guys i've been with... Kevin. I dated him for about four years. the end was more on/off. He changed my life blah blah blah. We got married in the street. we've talked about the names of our kids, we corresponded with a notebook we'd each put entries in throughout our semi long distant relationship. He sang me to sleep, we went on trips together, he made me fall in love with new york city, he was the only boy i've ever let protect me, ever. He was my frist everything when it comes to sexual stuff, he's the first person I called when my dad went away to jail, we still talk about getting married one day, we still talk and love eachother more than the other one knows, it just cant work right now for a while at least so we live our lives and sometimes we come crawling back. Told me to listen to "The luckiest" by Ben folds on our second date, it was how he felt. When I went away to college he wrote me a note telling me He'd love me uncondionally forever. Postcards from european tours, flowers, he once ripped up 45 pieces of paper with notes of our words of our language of things he loved about me and snuck into my house and hid them all over my room. One in every cd, in my socks, in my bed. Music, alkaline trio, late night phone calls still, telling me i'm perfect. Mike Hrom One of the most amazing humans I've ever known. Smiling, all the time when i'm with him. So many good memories, I still tell him everything, he gives the best advice. We had sex in the rain on a balcony by the ocean. Beat that. Aaron He did the most wonderful thigns for me. So thoughtful. He called my "bubbi" so fucking cute. He showed me that a guy was capable of loving me again. Nights in his room listening to records. Amazing. Staying up late all the time, me always falling asleep him waking me up. Always holding my hand. Getting drunk together him pinching my face. Him drawing me all the time. drawing me naked. Him fighting for me. Brendan hahaha. crazy dates on the roofs of apartments we snuck into. Him coming to my dorm after skating and eating all my fruits at 8 am. Him moving away. Taking his virginity haha. Luke Being in his car, listening to the Into the wild soundtrack, singing cat power to keith while keith was passed out. Making up our own words. Never ever being cold around him, ever. Crazy texts liek "i'm high on a bus" or "DO YOU LIKE CHICKIN WANGS" staying up till 7 in the morning laying in bed making out falling asleep finally, breakfasts across the street. "mall grab" Keith calling couch us sleeping on a shitty little chair, him getting arrested, hiM always PEEING IN PUBLIC. Ian Always sleeping with a heating blanket, barfing out of his window. so many dinners cooked together, being lucky. watching movies, takign all of his clothes, sour patch kids in movies, bikes, him going on tours, telling me about mtv interviews, goign to his shows him doing secret hand signs on stage to me, him telling me i was beautiful everyday. him getting me breakfast before i even woke up, him coming to wb to meet my mom, driving him touching my cheeks to wake me up when i fell asleep. his feet always being cold, his freckles on his eyes, him loving my butt, sharing everything, burts bees shampoo, tatoos, him swimming the tubs when it was 45 degrees, skin turning red, fooling around in the woods. It all ends. By me or them or the fact that I'm restless or the fact that I cant get over the first one. [2] birds

[October 8th, 2008; 11:58pm] no birds

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